Why We Keep Secrets

20140218-150216.jpg
I went to the hospital and had a biopsy taken this morning. There is a small risk that there is cancer in my thyroid – a small risk. For years I have had a big rather friendly goitre on my neck, which is now becoming painful and intrusive, and the doctors want to check it out.

Do I talk to my children about this? Is it worth unsettling them, when in all probability nothing will come of it? I have decided that no, I will not tell them. No matter how I approach the subject, I think they might still give it too much significance. They are, after all, still young.

I am curious though about what we choose to discuss, and what we choose to hide from one another, and why we hide anything at all. Perhaps if I was open about my cancer scare with my kids and they watched it unfold, they would become more resilient about similar worries they might have to handle in later life. After all, if the only stories about cancer you ever hear are about those that cannot be hidden (i.e. prove fatal), you might not appreciate how many biopsies return negatives, or how often people survive cancer.

Sometimes we hide things because it’s clear they just find it too painful. I don’t always tell Joe when Julie has self-harmed, for example, because it upsets him so much. It’s only recently he’s been able to admit how he feels, but the distress shows clearly in his face and in his body language. Sometimes we hide things because it’s difficult to handle the other person’s reaction. This is probably why I am not telling my children about my tests: I don’t want to have to deal with their feelings of distress.

Advertisements
2 comments
  1. tric said:

    I agree we all keep secrets. I really hope you get the all clear soon, and worse case scenario this is a v v treatable cancer. (just saying but we wont jump ahead! )

    • Thanks tric – yes it isn’t too bad if it isn’t all clear so I’m feeling OK about it – another reason really not to rush in and tell the children. I have to wait three weeks for the results but I don’t think I’ll be thinking about it all the time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

LEANING INTO A NEW NORMAL

With Celenia Delsol

(Un)Diagnosed and still okay

The life and times of Bridget's family as the navigate an unexpected journey with a rare genetic syndrome

Sectioned

A blog about mental health & mental healthcare

purplepersuasion

Mental health blog by a service user with bipolar disorder. Winner of the Mark Hanson Awards for Digital Media at the Mind Media Awards 2013 and the Mood Disorder category in the 2012 This Week in Mentalists Awards.

Brotherly Love

A personal exploration of autism from a brother’s perspective, including family relationships, philosophy, neuroscience, mental health history and ethics

Side by Side

A web magazine for friends, families and advocates of mental health

The Chatter Blog

Living: All Day Every Day: Then Chattering About It

partialinsight

Stroke and visual impairment

glosswatch

humourless mummy, cuddly feminist

L A F E I S T

truth slayer

Lily Mae Martin

Life in particular

One Pissed Off Rhino

You wouldn't fight a rhino with a fork - all you'd end up with is one bent fork and one pissed off rhino.

The Riddle Ages

An Anglo-Saxon Riddle Blog

annkilter

What ships are for...

Thunderhawk Bolt

That weird kid from school... all grown up

The Small Places

Life in particular

The Bipolar Codex

Kate McDonnell: Art, design and bipolar disorder

%d bloggers like this: