Waiting, waiting, waiting.

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Still waiting for the results of my thyroid biopsy: I’m in a state of limbo. When the long awaited letter finally arrived, it gave no results, just invited me back to talk about them. This last week waiting for that return visit to the clinic is proving the hardest wait of all. I am very impatient. Everything is on hold: social engagements, holiday plans, work commitments.

It could still be positive or negative. The one good thing about a positive would be that it makes a better storyline. If you can say you have cancer, at least people will believe you when you say you feel pain. If it’s negative and there’s still no name for your pain, people don’t always believe you. We’re very simple animals at heart: we still like to see physical evidence, glowing brightly on a screen, or a number on a chart.

If you’re mentally ill, you don’t usually have the benefit of physical evidence. People don’t necessarily believe that you’re suffering: you may have to go to extreme lengths to persuade them that your illness is real.

Perhaps this is why some people place such emphasis on the cause of mental illness. It’s not that uncommon to find books or websites that assert that all mental illness is caused by trauma, often child abuse. Perhaps they don’t think the illness is real unless it can be traced back to some real external event.

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6 comments
  1. The waiting sounds cruel, especially as it seems that there can be no good result. Thinking of you x

    • It could be a lot worse, but I do wonder if the staff have thought what it feels like to get a letter asking you to “come in and discuss the results next week”? I noticed it does make me feel a bit more stressed, and I think I’m being fairly level-headed about it: if it had been my daughter in the same circumstances, who is currently pretty vulnerable, I think it would have been an incredibly tough week! But as more than one person has pointed out to me, if they’re asking you to wait one more week, it is obviously nothing urgent.

  2. I’ve been off line for a fortnight so haven’t been able to catch up. Just wanted to send ((((hugs))))

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