The Law of Conservation of Energy

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The situation is this: I am not terribly ill, but I am in some pain and discomfort, and feeling very sorry for myself. I wait impatiently for the date of my operation to be set, with a growing list of things that have to be put off or put on hold until I know. Can I finish planning the summer holiday? Can I promise to take Julie to a university open day? Can I commit to visiting my father?

In the meantime, my energy is in increasingly short supply, and must be meted out carefully. Did I really bake bread once? I cannot imagine kneading bread dough at the moment! The house has to run itself as much as it can. I have two firm sources of support: principally Joe, who runs all sorts of errands for me, often when he is exhausted himself, and who is the proverbial pillar of strength. My other ally is the Internet: now I not only order food, but whole dinners. If you live in England, I can thorough recommend family meals from Cook, which are delivered frozen and can be heated up in the time it takes a teenager to ask (sulkily) “what’s for dinner?”

Two things that I find the energy for because they are life-affirming. My office now looks over the botanic gardens, and I walk there every lunchtime, come rain or shine, absorbing the colours, the blossom, the textures, the smells. The other is music. I have signed up for a short online course to learn about Beethoven (from Coursera) and wherever I have ten minutes alone I listen to a movement from one of the piano sonatas: really listen, not have it on as background music. Both of these are luxuries I could not even dream of last year when Julie was so unwell and so dependent that I had no lunchtimes, nor ever ten minutes alone. How I relish this now!

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6 comments
  1. tric said:

    You are having a tough time. Hang in there. Hopefully you will be out the other end of illness soon.

    • I guess there is worse though. In a way it kind of simplifies things down to their essentials: what I can do in a day and no more. An excuse to say no really.

    • I’ve seen the spoon theory before but I’d forgotten about it – thanks for sending me the link so I could rediscover it. Fits with what I’ve been thinking. Glad you liked the food link.

  2. I love that you can still see and appreciate beauty in all it’s varying forms, even while feeling unwell and worried. I’ve said before – you are an amazing lady!
    J xxx

    • I’m not sure that I can take much credit for it – I think it’s how I’m surviving!

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